I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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