I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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