He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
