I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
