what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
