so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize