There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
