I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
