Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
