Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize