And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
