My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
