upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
