You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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