I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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