I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
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