they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
