It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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