ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
