and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
