Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
