It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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