would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
