I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
