i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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