i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
