i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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