im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
