your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize