Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
