i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
