Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
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