We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
