sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
