Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
