I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
