Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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