I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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