Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
