You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
