Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
