I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
