Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
