either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
