You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
