The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
please come you make the beer taste better
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
