I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize