can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
