My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize