her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
