have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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