I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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