it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
