I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
