R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
