At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
