im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
