So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
