u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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