I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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