So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
porn star boner night. come get it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
