my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
whose parrot is this?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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