you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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