remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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