dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize