The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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