Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize