We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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