Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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