I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
