My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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