I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
