We won't sleep together?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
