So drunk, too bad you don't want this
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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