You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize