I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
